Sunday, April 20, 2008

NO, Just NO

A lot of people say that putting 'NO' signs in the library is a downer, and we should instead only use permissive signs like 'Cell phone use allowed here' or 'Talking allowed', but people don't get it. If students aren't told not to do something, they'll do it because hey, nobody said they couldn't.

Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to put up any 'NO' signs because I'd end up wallpapering the place with them.

What 'NO' signs would I put up? Here are a few. And please remember, all of these would be INSIDE the building.

NO alcohol.

NO smoking.

NO snoring.

NO nesting.

NO wrestling.

NO dancing on tables.

NO golfing.

NO kicking, punching, or rocking the vending machines. Don't punch the wall either when your Skittles jam.

No food fights.

NO bitching about our lack of a large stapler, microwave, change machine, or fax machine. We're never going to get any of those. Get over it, or you know, go else where. You spend too much time here already. Explore the campus. Maybe you'll find what you're looking for in another building. If you ask us nicely, we might even tell you where to look. After we've told you where to go, then GO. Don't continue to bitch. See this sign? NO BITCHING.

God, I really want that last sign.

Got a 'NO' sign wish? Put it in the comments.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would love to not have to display any no signs. My ideal would be signs that read: "Do XYZ and face immediate retribution." Your call. There is no NO here... Only consequences.

8:18 PM, April 20, 2008  
Anonymous Phantom Midge said...

We just need a generic "No Idiots" (and can we apply that to coworkers...)or maybe something along the lines of "NO brains, No clue, NO service!'

One guy spent 30 minutes complaining that the copy machine (the old, old copy machine) was not printing completely white copies but that it was producing (gasp) an off-white copy instead. Hey, buddy, go to Kinko's next time!

10:30 PM, April 20, 2008  
Blogger Vampire Librarian said...

You are both much cleverer than me. Love your suggestions.

10:51 PM, April 20, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

since i work in a library/resource center that offers the stuff your students want (fax machine, big stapler, book binder, and lamination) all for free...yes free...i'd like a sign that says 'No complaining. It is free. If you want to complain about something, go to kinko's, pay for it, and then you can whine. Now go away.'

I have so much more appreciation for librarians since working here. People are so demanding. And it's FREE! Maybe if you were paying for my information, time, and helpful attitude I would understand the whiney crap...but COME ON!

Sorry...had a bad run of complainers today.

1:40 PM, April 21, 2008  
Blogger Lisa said...

No, your screaming baby isn't adorable.

2:53 PM, April 21, 2008  
Blogger Vampire Librarian said...

Anon, vent away.

lisa, too true.

5:14 PM, April 21, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No telling me your lift story.

And a related (because you know they don't think it's the same thing).

No complaining about how the gov't/the man/insert-target-here is screwing up your life. I have my own problems, I don't need to hear yours.

5:52 PM, April 21, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uh, I meant *life* story.

This is what happens when you've been at work since 8am and it's almost 7 with another hour before you can go home.

5:54 PM, April 21, 2008  
Blogger Vampire Librarian said...


I was straching my head a bit over 'lift stories'. I thought you meant elevators, which I have blogged about.

7:20 PM, April 21, 2008  
Anonymous CW said...

No complaining if your laptop gets stolen if you leave it unattended while you wander off.


10:52 PM, April 21, 2008  
Anonymous Kyle said...

Oh, VL, you've forgotten so many.

No running.


No vomiting, except for in the toilet.

No skateboarding.

No Macarena.

No urinating, except for in the toilet.

No barking.

And most importantly....

All of these rules have been broken in the last 6 months. For serious. There was actually a guy in here playing Stairway on an acoustic.

3:24 AM, April 22, 2008  
Blogger Vampire Librarian said...


I can't believe I forgot the barking. That girl is deranged.

Have the skateboarders been naughty? They've always been carrying them when I saw them. But I did forget NO rollerblading. The nineties are OVER.

The Macarena and Stairway are allowable when done in tandem. It's how the apocalypse will be ushered in.

And speaking of running and the nudity, I need to start packing my digital camera. It is that time of year.

You must be bored and all alone to be commenting here. Only 3 hours left on your shift. Hang in there!

4:20 AM, April 22, 2008  
Blogger Gardenbuzzy said...

NO leaving private patient information out where anyone can see it.*

*I work in a hospital library. The hospital is held liable if someone's private information falls into the wrong hands.

12:51 PM, April 22, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No trying to weasel your way out of paying your fines! "I just forgot" is not an excuse.

4:14 PM, April 22, 2008  
Anonymous Rachel said...

No sex.

Oh goodness there were signs about this when I was in college and there should really be a few around the library I work at now. Really guys...libraries get you that hot?

Oh and to add to the music list: NO SOULJA BOY! (and yes, I think this warrants all caps)

5:00 PM, April 22, 2008  
Blogger Katya said...

No Filming Porno Movies in the Library.

No playing your music so loud that I can identify artist and song. I shouldn't be able to do that when you have headphones on.

6:58 AM, April 23, 2008  
Anonymous J said...

How about "No Douche Bags." I think that covers just about everything.

8:51 AM, April 23, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i think "no breathing" will cover all of the things mentioned above.liron

10:52 AM, April 28, 2008  
Blogger Sara M said...

No, I will not do your research for you. You are an adult. You know what to do and how to use that database. I don't care if you brain if fried, do you think this is a vacation for me? Do it yourself.

No, you may not use my stapler- NOT!

No, I don't know how to use the new Excel either. Microsoft sucks.

8:10 AM, May 01, 2008  
Blogger The.Effing.Librarian said...

I put a bunch of Yes! items on my page... but then you already know that since I steal from you often :)

6:33 AM, May 05, 2008  
Blogger Dragon Reads said...

No putting your hands down your boyfriends pants in the children’s department--really!

2:14 PM, May 16, 2008  
Blogger JamiSings said...

How about "No yelling at the clerks when we charge you for a book that you got wet"?

Or "We are not your babysitters. No leaving your children alone. Don't you ever watch the news? Know what a pedophile is? Yeah, stop being a putz and watch your own kids!"

And finally - "If you know your child doesn't understand the concept of money, don't allow him in the library by himself to buy things from the Friends cart, then yell and scream at us when he puts $21 into a locked box."

1:53 PM, June 18, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about "NO clogging the printer because you are printing to many images of animal porn." That never happened to me, I swear.


How about "NO flirting with the librarian at the front desk to get out of overdue fines." That never happened to me either!

3:12 PM, August 19, 2008  

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