Thursday, February 28, 2008

PSA for Students #12

Leaving your laptop on a table in Library X is not the same as leaving it in your apartment, unless you leave your door open and a trail of dollar bills to the laptop.

Leaving your laptop here while you go to dinner is not smart. Saying you've done it lots of times, just means you are lots of stupid. Don't get affronted if I'm not shocked and saddened when you report your laptop stolen. I'll call the police for you, but I'm not going to let you cry on my shoulder.

You shouldn't have left your laptop here, and no, we won't watch your laptop. You have to take it with you. If you don't want to carry it, then leave it at home, lock the door, and pick up all that money that's strewn about.

That is all.


Saturday, February 23, 2008

PSA for Students #11

If you're sick, don't come near me. Call, email, IM, send a friend, send up smoke signals, just don't come in person to tell me that you're sick and can't work. There are a lot of plagues going around right now, and I'm trying desperately not to catch one.

Coming to me to tell me you have pneumonia is not helping. I don't need to see your pastey face and listen to your rattling breathe to get that you're sick. And if you had the stomach flu yesterday, don't come to work today, especially if you haven't mastered solid foods yet. Seriously, it's okay. Stay home.

Shit, Library X is already one big thriving petri dish without you sickos adding to it. Come near me again, and I'm gonna Lysol you.


Monday, February 18, 2008

Dubious Job Ops

I remember stumbling over this a while back but didn't blog it. I hate when that happens.

The CIA is always looking for a couple (or more) good librarians. What struck me most is they are always hiring and this bit of boilerplate at the end of the posting:

Important Notice: Friends, family, individuals, or organizations may be interested to learn that you are an applicant for or an employee of the CIA. Their interest, however, may not be benign or in your best interest. You cannot control whom they would tell. We therefore ask you to exercise discretion and good judgment in disclosing your interest in a position with the Agency. You will receive further guidance on this topic as you proceed through your CIA employment processing.

So not only can you not tell people you work for the CIA, you can't even tell people that you're applying. Shit, sharing this link with you, may attract the terrorists to come after me.

But something fishy's going on over at the CIA. They're always hiring. With a starting salary of $52,000, plenty of recent grads have to be applying. What is the CIA doing with all these librarians? I mean usually librarians lock-in for decades in a position. How's the CIA going through so many so fast? Are they being given highly dangerous, TOP SECRET, reference questions?

The pay, though, makes me think about applying (without telling anyone of course), though I'd totally fail the polygraph test because you know, no pulse.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Selling Out

For those that come directly to the blog to read posts, you'll see ads from Project Wonderful located low on the sidebar and below the archive. I had Adsense up for some time, but that service is a joke for small blogs because they won't pay until you reach $100. I'm never going to reach $100. I haven't even broken $20, and I've had these ads up for several years. Project Wonderful will pay when you reach $10. It's relatively new and seems to have been marketed mainly to webcomics, which I am not averse to promoting. Shoot, I may find some nifty new sites to waste time on at work. But if the ads get annoying, please let me know. I've tried to keep them unobtrusive, but they still have to be somewhat visible.

Project Wonderful seems like a very nice service. I have control over what ads are shown. I get the chance to approve or reject new ads before they are displayed, and I can even reject an ad after approving it. I like having that power. Adsense didn't let me control squat. I've done away with the Adsense nonsense. Google can keep that $17. And if I still don't get paid a dime, whatever. I've had this blog for years. I've never made money off of it nor have I put money into it. That isn't why I started it, but if I can make $5 a month, well, I can treat myself to a tasty honey bun every Friday. Yum.

Don't hate me for selling out.


Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Repentant But Not Really

Dear Patron Who Stole a Bunch of Books and Decided to Return Them,

Thank you for dumping these books outside our doors and not bringing them inside. It's been raining all day. Did you notice? If you were worried, I found them fairly quickly so they didn't get drenched in the next shower. What finally happened to make you return them anyway? I know you had most of these books for years. Did the curse get you? Anyway, it was very brave of you to slink up to our entrance and drop them beside the door.

We're very happy to have back:

The Complete Prophecies of Nostradamus
Book 4 by Aleister Crowley
The Complete Book of Tarot
777 and other Qabalistic Writings
Peyote the Divine Cactus
The Symbolism of the Tarot
The Freedom of Life
Magical Mushrooms and Mischievous Molds

We're especially happy to have back the last two in the list, seeing as you have ripped off the covers and title pages. They're really great. Honestly, I wasn't sure if they were ours, but being clever, I found out the titles with Google Books. Yep, we're missing copies of both those books. Thanks! We'll throw them away now.

Never Darken Our Doorstep Again,
The Vampire Librarian


Monday, February 04, 2008

Book Meme

Woeful, over @ the Library, tagged me with this meme:


1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pgs.)
2. Open the book to page 123
3. Find the fifth sentence
4. Post the next three sentences
5. Tag five people

I had to do some searching for a book because at the moment, my desk is surprisingly book free. I finally turned to the damaged book box near me and now I give you Ovid's Metamorphoses as translated by Mary M. Innes. Luckily, it still has page 123.

Urania answered her: 'Whatever your reason for visiting our home, goddess, you are most welcome. All the same, the story is true: Pegasus it was, who produced this spring'- and she led Pallas to the sacred stream. The goddess stood for a long time, gazing in wonder at waters produced by the kick from the horse's hoof.

Now if 5 people want to volunteer to do this, I'll link to your blogs in this post.

Sam has volunteered.
Library Chicken wants in too.
Bee volunteered!
Librarian Ire's also participating.

And Anon and Liron have added their contributions in the comments.


Sunday, February 03, 2008


Get ready, organizations around the world will be having Vulvapaloozas, and they aren't the XXX-Events that Google would have you believe. Most are going to be information carnivals held in conjunction with a performance of the Vagina Monologues. I'm glad to say, University Z is having one. I'm curious though about the games that will be played. Can't imagine how those will go. They're also giving out condom roses. I'm curious about those too.

The V-Day organization, who maintains the Vagina Monologues and adds a monologue every year, are very bold, courageous, and kick-ass people. If you doubt me, take a look at their official emoticon.