High Expectations

I went outside to mail something and noticed two guys sitting on a bench passing a joint between them. They said hello to me, and I greeted them back. I mailed my letter and came back that way. The guys asked me for a light. I said sure, but seriously worried that they were going to light up a fatty in front of me. They didn't. The one guy lit a menthol cigarette and gave me my lighter back, but he did say this, "You came back because you like the smell don't you?"

I shook my head and indicated the library entrance. "No, I work here."

"You work in the library?"

"Yep." I proceeded to go back inside.

"Hey, how late is the library open?"

"Until 10 o'clock."

"Cool. Hey, when does Spring Break start?"

"Today."

"Today? Oh man, you know there are some parties going on around here."

"You're probably right."

I went inside and called the cops.

Some of you may shake your head at me for calling the cops. I wondered if I should, but the more I wondered, the more I figured screw it--If they're going to be dumb enough to light up in a popular thoroughfare, then Darwin says they should get nabbed.

But I didn't figure the two potheads would come in while I was on the phone with the dispatcher. That was a fun turn of events.

I whispered, "Uh, they just came in."

"The suspects are in the library now?"

"Yeah."

"Do you feel threatened?"

Not yet, but if they hear me on the phone with you, the story might change.

"No, I don't."

"Do you want to stay on the line until the police arrive?"

I want to get off the phone so these guys don't get wise to me.

"No, there's no rush. I just think an officer might want to chat with them."

"Okay. There will be an officer out there shortly."

"Thanks."

And so I waited. I really regretted calling the cops now. I mean, the guys were right here. They were making high MySpace comments and being quiet. Not bad patrons. Why'd they have to smoke a joint practically under my nose?

When the officers arrived, they came to the back to speak to me. I confirmed which ones were the potheads, and the officers went to have a chat with the young men.

Eventually the officers came back to update me. I'd been hiding at my desk. I did not want to let these guys know I was the one who called the cops. I know that's cowardly, but I felt guilty. Yes, I felt guilty for calling the law on these guys. Smoking pot is not the end of the world, but it's not exactly kosher either. Dammit, I don't like feeling like the bad guy for doing what the law says is right.

The officers told me, "We don't have enough to arrest them. We've told them they have to behave while in the library or else we'll boot them off campus. They have no priors. We can only arrest them really if we catch them in the act. We told them we received a call from Y Hall of some pot smokers matching their description to give you a little buffer. Let us know if they act up and we'll come back out to issue a trespass warrant."

I was really relieved they hadn't said I'd called. The cops lied for me. That's good service.

Only thing is, the potheads are still here. I'd think after chatting with the cops they'd leave, but nope, they're still high MySpace posting, and I really want a cig. Is this their revenge? Are they going to hang around until closing and keep me hostage at my desk? Sneaky high bastards.

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Well looky here, it seems someone has finally figured out why libraries appeal to vampires.

"LOOK! The pasty white skin - they never go out in the sun! The heavily diffused lighting which gives them a reason for not having a shadow. There's NEVER a mirror in a library... AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SEE IT?"

Found via Librarian.net