Monday, October 30, 2006

Can I But Not Really?

Student: Hi, I have a request. My psychology professor said it would be okay as long as I have the library's permission.

With that much set-up, I already know the answer will be no.

Vampire Librarian: Okay, what's the request?

Student: Can I drink in the library?

See, I knew it.

VL: No.

Student: But it wouldn't be real alcohol. I need to do a study of people reacting to things in odd places.

(Similar experiments have been attempted before, the psych kids just don't get how common odd things are in Library X.)

VL: I don't care if it's apple juice in your beer bottle. We can't allow it.

Student: Why not?

VL: Well, other than it's against the law to drink in public, we have problems with students really doing this. If we let you, and other students picked up on it, they'll think it's allowed. If we say it's okay for you because it's not really beer in your bottle, that'll be everyone's excuse when we confront them.

Student: Are you sure that would really happen?

VL: Yes, and like I said, it's against the law.

Student: Okay, well, I guess I'll have to come up with something different.

VL: You do that.

I just hope he doesn't come back to ask if it'd be okay to smoke crack in the library, but you know it wouldn't really be crack; have sex in the stacks, but you know it wouldn't really be sex; or conduct open heart surgery in a a study room, but it wouldn't really be open heart surgery. Well, we might actually allow the last one, as long as he put down a tarp.



Blogger Katya said...

Your students are much more of a big pain in the butt than the ones here are. Good Lord! The student probably doesn't understand why you won't let him drink (but not really drink) either.

10:12 PM, November 01, 2006  
Blogger Spike said...

He's trying it on. Seeing how many dim requests before you crack and go psycho on him. Bung up a sign: 'You May Not Experiment On The Librarians'.

10:41 PM, November 01, 2006  
Blogger Happy Villain said...

You might suggest that this student, who needs to study people reacting to things in odd places, might accomplish more by behaving in a sane and studious way when in your presence. It wouldn't be real sanity or studiousness, of course, but the value of the study would be precious to you.

1:59 AM, November 02, 2006  

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