Friday, October 27, 2006

Vampires and Math

A co-worker sent me a link to this article. It seems I cannot exist due to mathematics. I cannot refute this article because 2+2=5, but that's not gonna stop me from trying. Supposedly, vampires would've taken over the world long ago if we existed. The theory is every person bitten by a vampire would become a vampire, and it would just progress endlessly on till everyone is a vampire. Okay-dokey, I can follow that, but that's assuming the vampire allowed the new vampire to survive.

See here's the thing, vampires HATE each other. We can't stand one another. In all the legends, have you ever heard of vampires living in nice little communities, having blood and cheese parties? No. We kill each other whenever we cross paths. Oh sure, Dracula had his little harem, but Dracula was also an idiot. Instead of staking them properly, he kept them locked away and starved them. The fat lazy bastard.

You might be asking, how do any vampires exist if we hate each other so much? Simple, we get sloppy, interrupted by torch toting mobs, or really delusional and think that this time we'll like this vampire. It's a sad state of affairs I know, but vampires do like humans. Sure, you're all food to us, but you're entertaining food. I mean, who else would come up with an idea like democracy and totally subvert it the way you all do? High entertainment there. So that's why the world isn't overrun by vampires. We hate our own kind and like humans too much to destroy you all. No math required.

And with that cheery thought, I bid you good night. Sleep well, don't let the vampire bite.

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4 Comments:

Blogger Todd said...

I thought you'd vanish in a puff of logic! Glad you're still here, though.

6:17 PM, October 30, 2006  
Blogger Spike said...

Ditto.

10:44 PM, November 01, 2006  
Anonymous Slyer said...

Just like humans, we vampires are different. What about vampire vegetarians or only animal flesh eating vampires? And what about vampire slayers?

9:09 PM, November 11, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

do vampires hate werewolfs . im a werewolf and i dont h8 vampires as ong as they dont h8 me.

4:56 PM, June 10, 2007  

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