Exams! The Sequel

Exams have once again begun at University Z, and it's like Library X has become the re-run library.

I've had the drunk carolers,

The brass band,

And random free stuff. This year including stress balls.

I think my exam flu came early this year.

But the best part is that the Secret Society isn't happy just to dump a load of pizzas on me as before, now they want me to rendezvous with them at a secret location to pick up the pizzas. I'd have to go across campus with a book truck to do this. WTF? It's not going to happen, Secret Society.

Letter to Secret Society

Dear Secret Society,

I really hope those two large sheet cakes were meant for Library X and not delivered to the wrong location. I looked for a secret message from you instructing me of the purpose and meaning behind their delivery. I waited for your voice-disguised call. I checked my email for encrypted messages. But you gave me nothing to go on.

I debated a long time (about ten minutes) on what to do. I took a poll to see if I should give the cake away without confirmation from you guys. The overwhelming majority (all three students) thought I should give the cake away. So that's what I did. I set a table out, put a table cloth down (tres chic), sliced the cakes up some, and then made an announcement that there was free cake. The cakes lasted ten minutes.

I really hope you meant for those cakes to come to Library X and not to some secret meeting at another location. I hope you all aren't standing around in your hooded robes waiting for your cakes to start the party.

Hugs and Kisses,
The Vampire Librarian

P.S. I saved a piece if you want it.

An Open Letter to Secret Societies

Dear Secret Societies,

I understand that being clandestine is very important to your societies. No one is supposed to know who you are. Doing nice things for the academic community then becomes problematic. I understand that you have your reasons for being anonymous (speaking an an anonymous blogger), but consider these things when planning to do something nice for the academic community:

Who's going to clean up the mess? Who's going to have to police the students: Slap greedy hands and remind students to share? Who's going to have to deal with all the unhappy students that didn't get to partake of the charity? Who's going to have to get ice packs for those that got stepped on and elbowed?

Please consider these things before swooping in wearing your scary masks and bestowing FREE PIZZA upon the masses of Library X.

I am but one vampire, and it's tough keeping the peace when several hundred ravenous students descend upon the check-in counter. I almost lost a hand, y'all! If it'd had a pepperoni on it, I would have! So please, figure some way to do this so that I'm not in charge of the feeding frenzy. Maybe hang around in your masks and watch over the chaos. The masks may make the students think twice before swiping a whole pie. I'll even let you borrow the newspaper rods to keep the students in check. And then after the five minutes it takes for the locusts to pick everything clean, you can put all the empty boxes in the trash. What do you say?

Well, I guess that's it. It's funny how I never see you guys except at exams. What do you do all year? I know, I know, it's SECRET, but come on, you can tell me. Please? At least give me a hint or something. You can't spend all year coming up with the exam pizza giveaways.

Thanks,
The Vampire Librarian