Exams! The Sequel

Exams have once again begun at University Z, and it's like Library X has become the re-run library.

I've had the drunk carolers,

The brass band,

And random free stuff. This year including stress balls.

I think my exam flu came early this year.

But the best part is that the Secret Society isn't happy just to dump a load of pizzas on me as before, now they want me to rendezvous with them at a secret location to pick up the pizzas. I'd have to go across campus with a book truck to do this. WTF? It's not going to happen, Secret Society.

An Open Letter to Secret Societies

Dear Secret Societies,

I understand that being clandestine is very important to your societies. No one is supposed to know who you are. Doing nice things for the academic community then becomes problematic. I understand that you have your reasons for being anonymous (speaking an an anonymous blogger), but consider these things when planning to do something nice for the academic community:

Who's going to clean up the mess? Who's going to have to police the students: Slap greedy hands and remind students to share? Who's going to have to deal with all the unhappy students that didn't get to partake of the charity? Who's going to have to get ice packs for those that got stepped on and elbowed?

Please consider these things before swooping in wearing your scary masks and bestowing FREE PIZZA upon the masses of Library X.

I am but one vampire, and it's tough keeping the peace when several hundred ravenous students descend upon the check-in counter. I almost lost a hand, y'all! If it'd had a pepperoni on it, I would have! So please, figure some way to do this so that I'm not in charge of the feeding frenzy. Maybe hang around in your masks and watch over the chaos. The masks may make the students think twice before swiping a whole pie. I'll even let you borrow the newspaper rods to keep the students in check. And then after the five minutes it takes for the locusts to pick everything clean, you can put all the empty boxes in the trash. What do you say?

Well, I guess that's it. It's funny how I never see you guys except at exams. What do you do all year? I know, I know, it's SECRET, but come on, you can tell me. Please? At least give me a hint or something. You can't spend all year coming up with the exam pizza giveaways.

Thanks,
The Vampire Librarian

Exams!

Exams have begun again, and in true exam fashion, we have free:

1. Hummus, veggies, crackers, and cheese
2. Two large shipments of fried chicken
3. Mountain Dew and granola bars
4. Blue books
5. Ear plugs
6. Chips, candy bars, and cookies

Only the last two are supplied by the library, and this is just the first day. Needless to say, I don't need to pack a lunch when it's exam week. I'm kinda sick now from overeating.

Get Your Crazy On

So yeah, a patron accused me of assault and called the cops...

Wait, let me back up. I agreed to work a night of overtime at Library X. We're open 24/7 due to exams. I came in Friday night to work. I go downstairs at midnight to check the building for non-students, and on the first floor, I see an older, slovenly dressed woman asleep. I vaguely know that she's a non-student and a previous problem patron of the library, but I haven't had any run-ins with her, so I don't assume the worst. Oh how naive I am.

The woman is stretched across two chairs asleep. I tap her foot to wake her. She blinks awake and looks at me. "Hi, are you a student?"

"Yes."

"May I see your ID?" I know she's not a student, but I don't call her on it.

"I haven't gotten it. I'm an alum. I have my alum card."

"I'm sorry, but alumni aren't allowed to stay here after midnight."

She is clearly outraged. "You know this is profiling. Are you going to check everyone else for ID?"

I look around. Everyone in eyesight is clearly a student. I see them every night. Plus, they all have books out, are studying in groups, or are working on laptops, unlike this woman who has a few bags with her that don't have any books in them and was asleep. "I know they're all students."

She doesn't like my answer. "Are you a student?"

"No, I'm staff."

"How long have you been here?"

"Three years."

"What's your name?"

"Vampire Librarian."

"I'm going to report you. You know that hitting my foot was assault. I'm going to call the cops."

"Okay, but I still need you to leave."

"I will leave if you get out of my way."

I take another step back, and wait for her to collect her stuff. She has a pair of crutches with her, but I know from previous reports, she always has crutches and/or a neck brace with her, but she doesn't need them. She turns and begins complaining to a student sitting nearby who'd been watching the exchange.

"Can you believe she's asking me to leave? She's not even a student, and she says I have to leave!"

The student gets up and goes away.

She finally gets her stuff together and goes to the elevator. I wait for the elevator to come down and then run up three flights of stairs to be at the desk when she arrives. She scowls when she sees me behind the desk waiting for her.

"This is total profiling. I'm going to call the cops. You just wait, Vampire Librarian."

She turns to a group of students that are walking by. "Do any of you write for the student paper? I have a story for you. That woman is discriminating against me and profiling. She also assaulted me."

The students stare at her blankly and move along.

She huffs and goes outside where she proceeds to use the blue call box to call the police. I only know this because a student comes in to report a crazy woman screaming into the call box claiming a library employee assaulted her.

I nod and tell the student, "Yeah, I'm the one who supposedly assaulted her. Thanks for telling me."

I wait for the cops.

My cohort for the night is not a regular circ person. She works for acquisitions usually. She's quite shocked by these turn of events. I tell her who to call if I'm arrested. I wonder if the library will make bail.

Eventually a UPD officer strolls in. Crazy lady isn't with him. He comes up to the desk. "All right, what happened?"

I tell him, and he nods his head. I have to ask: "Did she accuse me of assault?"

He nods his head. "Yeah, but tapping someone's foot to wake them up isn't assault. We do that all the time. I told her we would have to uphold the library's policy, and she can come talk to a library administrator during the daytime about it."

"I think this woman has caused trouble at the library before."

He nods. "She haunts the police department. She's not right. She thinks there's a conspiracy against her. She's clearly paranoid and a little delusional."

"Great..."

He taps the desk. "Well, if that's it, I hope the rest of your evening's quiet."

"Thanks."

And there you have it - A patron has finally called the cops on me. I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later.

You take the good, you take the bad

You take them both and there you have
The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life.

Sorry, couldn't get that out of my head, but it has been the theme for the day.

It is the first day of exams and what happens at 6pm?

The power goes out.

And it stays out.

For over an hour.

We've never had the power go out for so long. No one was telling us anything. Library X seemed to be the only building without power. Students were leaving in droves. Some of them in tears--All that hard work now gone. If you say something about saving their work, the students just look at you blankly. They don't want to hear it.

Students keep coming up to ask when the power will be coming back on. I have to tell them that there is no time frame. We don't know what caused the power outage. Someone is working on it. No one is happy. People shut their eyes and put their heads down at their keyboards to try and use their time constructively.

But as we're checking books out with pen and paper, a group of female students come in laden with food. They're here to give it out but begin to reconsider seeing the darkness and the lack of bodies. We quickly argue them out of leaving, at least with the food. We put out some tables and start laying the food out. The girls leave to get more food. They have a lot. When they come back, there's a line of fifteen students ready to get food and more arriving. No one has made an announcement or said anything, but students have finely tuned free food radar. They don't care that it's pitch black, and they can't see what they're picking up to eat. It's free food.

As the students fill their plates, the lights finally come back on. No one cares. They're eating. I ask the group of girls what organization they are with. The lead girl shakes her head. They aren't with anyone. They just wanted to do something nice for their fellow students during exams. That's nice, but I think that they're part of a secret society. A secret food giving society. We need more secret societies like that.

Day two of exams tomorrow, and I'm working my old shift of midnight-8am. See ya.

*I swear I haven't forgotten about the golf pencils. They'll just have to wait till after exams. I want it to be an extra special report.*

Exams Suck

Exams are now over here at Z University, and I got stressed out as badly as the students.

I had nightmares that I was back in college and got E-'s on all of my papers, which were worse than F's for some reason only understandable in the dream. I tried to look at the papers to see why I'd done so badly and couldn't read what I wrote or the professor's comments. I tried to hide the terrible grades from my classmates so they wouldn't know I was such a dunce, but they could see the grades anyway and pitied me. It was just bad. I'd wake up very grumpy.

I also got sick. I'm still sick. I'm congested, weak, achey, and I smell vomit constantly when I breath through my nose, but I'm not vomiting. Yeah, I'm sure you wanted to know all that. My mother was the one who made the connection for me to exams. This happened every fall semester when I was in college too. At the least, I had to go on antibiotics, and at the worst, like in my senior year, I had to be taken to the emergency room. I had abdominal pains which by the process of elimination was classified an ulcer. I had to take two incompletes and make up the work over break.

It was all stress related in college. I don't know why I got laid low by exams this year. I wasn't taking any classes. An aunt had passed away the week before which upset me so that may have affected me, and the weather here has been very bad. The library put me up in a hotel one day because we didn't think I'd be able to drive into work that night, and I had to chip ice off my car for twenty minutes the next day. So maybe there is cause for stress and illness, but still, this whole being sick thing sucks. I've got X-mas shopping to do dammit.

I hope all of you are in good health and cheer while I'm huddled at home scowling because I wouldn't wish this nonsense on anyone.

EXAMS!

It's that time of year again when eyes start twitching, hygiene is forgotten, streaking becomes a form of stress relief, and sleep becomes a mythical creature. Yes, exams are upon us once again. To assist you, your helpful vampire librarian has dug up these "study aids" because you know simply doing the assignment or studying for the test is crazy talk.

1. Professors ARE sadistic. Time to get back at them.

2. For when you're put on the spot and can't think fast enough.

3. Medication.

4. Spells, spells, spells!

5. Or you could just rely on good old luck.