The Adventures of Jack Sparrow, Part 1: The Library

Thought this was cute and that others might be amused by it. We can add misshelving to the list of Capt. Sparrow's list of crimes.

He just missed getting the curse.

Link to Video.

Button, Button, Where is the Button?

Nothing has been going on here at Library X. It's been boring.

So here's a little story from exams.

I was walking around doing a security check of the building one night when I came across a student sitting cross legged in a carrel (and I mean actually in the carrel. He was a very skinny, flexible dude.) intently writing/etching into the side of the carrel with a ball point pen. I stopped and gave him an aggrieved smile.

"Hi hon, would you mind stopping your vandalism of library property?"

He blinked at me a moment like who the hell are you, and I waved my name badge at him. He shrugged. "All right, but can I finish this first?"

"Um, no...Really would like for you to stop."

"But it won't make any sense if I stop here. See I'm responding to something somebody else wrote."

"Still vandalism."

"Look this is what I want to say 'If you push that button, your ass gotta go."

"Really don't like the profanity."

"Really? Would you rather I use tush, behind, butt?"

"I'd rather you stop."

"Okay, since you're being so nice, I will."

"Thanks, but could you get out of the carrel, you know so I'll believe you a little more?"

He unfolded himself out of the carrel.

"Thanks."

Tonight because I was bored, I decided to check on the carrel to see what all was on it. There was a relatively good line drawing on a finger about to push a button with the caption, "Don't push the red button" with my little graffiti artist's unfinished etching "If you push that bu" underneath. I'm rather surprised he didn't finish it.

Okay, so I tried to figure out why the students felt the need to put these particular phrases in the carrel. It seems the "Don't push..." bit could be a quote from a Sesame Street book called Furry Old Grover in Please Don't Push the Red Button or a reference to this funny interactive site . Or it could be the red button site was inspired by Grover but whatever and then my little vandalizer felt the need to free associate and add a reference to Yo La Tengo's "Nuclear War", but like he promised, he didn't finish. It's kind of breathtaking the jump from Sesame Street to Yo La Tengo, don't you think?

I'm sort of disappointed to see that the cleaning crew went through and scoured/sanded the carrels and tables to remove as much graffiti as they could. I didn't get a chance to fully review some of the running commentaries going on like which frat was better and which female athletic team had the sexiest players, but the button stuff stayed because they actually dug into the wood to leave their mark.

Do I Get Training for This?

(Is anyone still reading this? I have no excuse except sweet, sweet slacking.)

We've been having security issues in Library X. We go through periods of this. Along with our bad doors which don't swing shut properly and re-lock, people have been trying to hide and stay in the library. The opening staff has come in a couple of times to find students and homeless people already/still in the building. Not a comforting scene.

We've been working to get the issue resolved, but as a quick stop-gap, the building supervisor has come up with an amusing (to me, possibly alarming to others) solution.

Behold our newest piece of equipment!
Now you may be thinking, "VL, didn't you already have a flashlight for when the power goes out?" And you would be right. We have several flashlights, but none have the features of this lovely Maglite.

Because and I quote, "You can use it to shine into dark corners and defend yourself against anything you might find." And how would I defend myself? Blind them? Oh no, as was demonstrated to me, I just need to flip this bad boy around and swing because the Maglite is shock resistant.

That's right! I'm expected now to bludgeon patrons. Sure, I'm supposed to wait till we're closed, but I don't need to tell the patrons we're closed.

I wonder if I can convince them to buy this accessory for the Maglite:

It'd make the bludgeoning easier.

The way I see all this--I'm just one step closer to getting that tazer...