How did you get here?

Once again, here's another edition of strange search terms that landed people on my blog!

Excluded are all the vampire related and LSD/rat poison searches. Though they are the top searches that bring people here, they're just ho-hum now.

free pencils from IKEA - Yes, you can get them and free tape measures too! Go, stock up.

Newspaper rod - How can this be? I am the number 1 result in Google.

going on vacation poetry - I've written bad poetry, but none about going on vacation.

Let's see if I can...

An Ode to Vacation

Oh, vacation, you're so lovely
You make me all school girl bubbly.
A day, a week, a month, or more
No matter the length, you rock to the core.

I'll always love you, vacation.
And I don't care who hears my exclamation.

There, how was that? No flames, please.

P.S. I know I said vampire searches would be excluded, but this one made me guffaw:
Vampires real or meth?

Mr. Stinky

My apologies to poets everywhere.

Mr. Stinky smells really bad.
He doesn't know that baths are rad.
Mr. Stinky seems nice,
But Mr. Stinky may have lice.

Mr. Stinky has been spoken to
And given locations to go to
To take a bath or a shower,
But he seems to prefer for us to cower
Like we do when he strolls in
Smelling up to high heaven!

Mr. Stinky go away!
Mr. Stinky please don't stay!
We are sorry we can't help you,
but Mr. Stinky, you cannot sue
Because you smell like you do,
We hold our breath and all turn blue.

Mr. Stinky don't come back.
You make us all want to yack!
We try to be nice and smile,
But we all want to run a mile
When he comes walking in
Smelling like a rotting coffin!

Mr. Stinky, you can return
When you finally learn
that hygiene is swell
And we don't have to dwell
In a cloud of utter foulness
Brought on by your very nearness.
Mr. Stinky take a shower!
Learn a lesson from a flower.

And now I have to stop
Because I have to hop
To Mr. Stinky's computer
As he tries to use the printer
I will not inhale
But being only able to exhale
May cause me so much harm
That I'll end up buying the farm.